why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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