We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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