Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
