fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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