Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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