I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize