What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
