You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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