Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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