Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
