Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What drink are we having for lunch?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
