we have officially lost it.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
please come you make the beer taste better
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
