dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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