Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
