This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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