dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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