I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
