I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
