I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
