I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
