i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
