haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
