"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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