i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
