This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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