remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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