how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
