I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
