the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
