Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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