He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize