They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
