just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
