Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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