He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
