I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Randomize
