I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everclear isn't food dammit
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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