All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
