rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
