we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
