also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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