i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
