Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
