It was confusing and full of hummus
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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