How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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