508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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