now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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