i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize