I can text with my tongue
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
