and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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