did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
