i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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