Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
