She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My vagina is very pro this idea
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
