i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
