I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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