Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
