Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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