hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize