He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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