Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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