A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We need to get me chipped asap
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
