I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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