he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
