sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
