On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
