everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
