You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
