i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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