Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
