i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Threesome in a minivan. New low
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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